Its a hard knock life!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Turkey...turkey....duty?

Its 9:23 am Friday morning and I am ready for bed.
As yesterday was American Thanksgiving, today was amazing shopping!!!
For those who are unaware- this means the mall opens at 5am and the sales are to die for.
I set my alarm for 3:45 (after going to bed only an hour and fifteen minutes earlier) and was out the door by 4. I was at crystal's door by 4:13 - SO PROUD.
By 4:22am we were across the border and by 5:03 we were at the mall - ewww long lines.

Needless to say the morning was great - we found my mom, who at the time of impact was paying for my christmas gift - im SOOOOOOOO excited. I am getting exactly what i asked for - haha both very domestic gifts. A Vacuum and a microwave. awwww i am soooooo excited for the vacuum - this little swiffer carpet flick thing is CRAP.

By 7am we were eating cinnibons (YUM) and by 8am we were heading home.....but crystal decided a cinnibon was good enough so we stopped for McDonalds breakfast too haha ....gross yet sadistically enjoyable.

We get to the border and much to our dismay they made us go in- GRRR, since when? we each had less then $50 - whatever - jerks.

Needless to say its now 9:29...im tired ...and i look amazing in my new clothes haha - yes i am already wearing them.

I bought the most amazing bag as well.

I believe i will treat myself with .....3 hrs more sleep - no biology for me.

happy thanksgiving america
i hate duty.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Queen of the Night? ....but not.

3hrs History lecture - not cool.
These chairs are hard and the heat, apparently optional - something the school has opted out of this year.

It is Monday afternoon but feels like Thursday night. My body is confused, as are my mornings and evenings. - they've merged into what seems to be a 24 hr blur. Are humans meant to be nocturnal? If so, I think I am; however, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and top of my head may suggest I do not come by it naturally.

My weekend was filled with little more then term papers and an online social life, pitiful…oh and one soggy waffle with strange company…I don’t think people are meant to eat breakfast at breakfast time - its much better mid-afternoon.

Hopefully my week will be more exciting …I look forward to at least a few cookies *wink* if you ask me they are well deserved.

Friday, November 10, 2006

730 days and many men later

I am sitting in biology and not entertained in the slightest!
I have decided I am fed up - i have homework coming out my ears and an incredible lack of finances with which to ease my study stress.
Life as i know it is probably at the best its been in about 3 years, but I still feel totally frustrated with so much.
This week I am dealing with the reasons of WHY I need to be single and it is incredibly difficult. I go through phases of dealing with the 'deeper' issues of why I am so male relation dependent.
I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Vancouver last Saturday , it’s a conference of 5000+ women- held in GM Place. My sister and I sat there and laughed, cried - ate chocolate and laughed harder…too hard!
At one point in the conference the speaker made reference to 'single women' well - I let out a chirp…apparently a LOT louder then I had originally planned, as from the stage she suggested that I had ''learnt to be content in my singleness - or perhaps was just happy to be rid of someone'' from there a slight giggle riffled throughout the entire building - it was at that moment I realized, yes, I'm slowly learning, but I'm not there yet.
I watch my past boyfriends seemingly pass me by - starting new relationships, getting engaged - having babies. A part of me feels jealous, partially sad. I don’t want to be with them, but shouldn’t they still want to be with me? What do you mean, they have gotten over me?! WHAT? How is THAT possible?! Its as if the grip on what I thought I controlled slowly slips away.
But huh?
I don’t want to be with them, yet I expect them to remain enamored with me - how do I justify this?
It is in this apparent 'rejection' that I feel like I scrabble to catch up, but why? Why don’t I feel equally successful while single? Why do I feel like I'm 'falling behind' merely because I am waiting for the right person. Lord knows I've had my fair share of wrong ones. Why do I even consider this rejection? It is as if the 'break up' was the first rejection (even when initiated by me) and it is when they move on that I am hit with the blow of the second rejection.

Why is this a big deal to me right here right now? In the last 2-3 weeks I have bumped into 3 of my exes, and all of them are in relationships - a couple are engaged…I am…still blogging about them…sad …sad…sad.

I am over them - I am over the desire of a relationship with them, but I am not over the desire for a relationship in general; thus I go back to what I know - or memories of what I knew. Memories which are skewed. Have you ever noticed memories don’t seem to retain the negatives and even worse then this, they magnify the positives?

Bottom line - I don’t want to be with anyone I've been with. I need 90% faith, 10% patience, and eventually 1 hot man.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

gum disease and dreaming

Do I have gum disease? I think i might. Yup - pray for me! I think i have gum disease....which, incase you arent aware leads to heart disease ....which incase you arent aware leads to DEATH, ohhh just put me on my death bed now! Ok, so seriously, I was flossing my teeth tonight and they were bleeding - no worries, i kept flossing ...now its been about an hour or two, they are swollen and HURT LIKE A BIATCH!!! I dont understand, i try to have good personal hygiene and this is what i get? I would like my ashes sprinkled at Haynes Point if I die please. (Although I would prefer not to be cremated)

Ok - next note of importance, this so called 'blessing of single life' is almost as bad as gum disease, it has just about run its course, i am ready to ' not be single' anymore and i have a fairly good idea of who i would like to be 'not-single' with - too bad he's not aware, doesnt live here, doesnt read this anymore, hardly knows my name let alone my passion for him and is most likely dating someone! ya...how's that ever gonna happen? oh wait - its not! Its ok - i wouldnt want to leave him a young widower due to my premature death related to heart disease brought on by gum disease.

But if he does read this - be warned - I am not dead yet!

tsk - the life of a dreamer

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Saturday at Starbucks

So, its 1:42 am and I am sitting in Starbucks,
I came here to do homework, and for the most part I have been successful in my attempt.
I am now taking a break to relax and -of course, write.
I have sat here for the past hour listening to the group of Chinese students, I recognize the odd word 'nigga' or 'jigga' which basically means 'this' or 'that' or the odd number, not very entertaining at all.


To the left of me is a table of two men, one of which is sitting with a book- reading? Nah - just sitting with it. 'what is holiness' he asks his company. Wow, quickly on to the next topic, they are now talking about JW's and how there must be a 'JW' patch, or a 12 step program - odd, this would suggest they are not JW's?

To the right of me, sitting at the windows ledge in the comfy chairs are a young guy and girl - probably late teens or early 20's (isnt it past their bedtime?!) they are discussing life and love - possible first date?

She has succumb to the fact that love is for life, while he is taking a more cynical approach, he is convinced that being 'in love' is merely a state of mind - interesting concept.

Ok, so that’s me and my night at Starbucks - and yes I am here alone. I am learning to 'live single well' and in part, this is aiding my venture - eaves dropping on others conversation…

Oh but wait- now the girl is convincing the guy that love is in the alignment of the stars,

My tea is good, it's getting cold - my back hurts and its 1:52 am (yes, that’s AM not PM). Its crazy, I get the fact that this lil establishment is 24hrs, but I honestly thought the crowd would thin out by now - apparently that is not the case. (ps. I really love the jazz that they're playing right now - I feel so 'city', too bad I'm in ABBOTSFORD)

Oh and the girl and guy are arguing now, not about love all be it temporary or permanent, but they have expanded to marrying for money as love is fleeting-
she argues 'it is human nature to love' and he retorts 'so moral of the story, marry for money as love is fleeting' to this I would ask - but then what if they go bankrupt? You failed to marry for love, because you married for money and now there is no money - have no love or no money…now you're just EFFED

girl just asked boy - 'do you like bush? Do you like the war?' !!?!?!?! what the hell!!! - he says 'umm like the war? I think its necessary…'
what a stupid girl, are all girls that stupid?!!? - oh and now the death sentence - she better be philosophically aware and have a decent argument - goodness sakes, no her reason is 'I don’t want to be in charge for taking someone's life' seriously!!! common- DECENT ARGUMENT PLEASE

I now realize there are 2 guys and 1 girl, so not a first date I had originally assumed. the girl has now switched gears to 'spirituality' vrs 'religion' - oh someone said "the bible" *ears perk up* guy #1 asks 'do you believe in werewolves, they're as old as the bible' the girl says 'I believe the bible has truth, but there is fiction too' guy #1 says 'lost in translation?'

Girl says 'do you believe in God, a higher power, or are you an atheist"
Now the guys are talking- I cant really hear but one guy sounds like he has a biblical tendency, the girl is just freaking stupid! The second guy has less of a soft spot for biblical things - this is the one to whom the question was posed.

Guy #1 who favors the bible- says 'religion hasn’t been proven wrong just because science has been proven right' - now they are talking about evolution - boy #1 asks 'how did it start? No answer?' he says 'the bible a better explanation then none at all' dude #2 simply replies with a 'no'.

Debate - science vrs religion. Should I join in? finally there is a half decent debate going on - and notice girl isnt involved, surprise surprise! I almost feel bad for guys (in general) because girls are so dumb - they fall back on their own stupidity- for what? Attention!?

Wow- now they are talking about the meaning of life. Girl says - 'why are we here there must be a bigger reason? We aren't just here to make money and fall in love' ok - so maybe it’s a relevant topic, for once she has made a valid point.

OH MY WORD the bottom of my muffin has like a crumb crust - yummy its SHORTBREAD holy cow i'm in love - and ps. I still love the cd that they are playing.

k, so I debate - do I talk to these people, or do I leave? What do I say if I talk to them? If I don’t talk I'll be like ugh, I should have - but if I do- what do I say? I am learning about evolution in biology- could I use that as a starting point? How they are possibly connected? I know the meaning of life - how about that? Ugh I shouldn’t but I should - but I wont because im a chicken shit and there are three of them. I wish I had balls - do they know that religion and relationship are sooooo different?!!?!?

Girl say - 'no theory or religion can be proven' - is she sure about that? What about the book Case for Christ? Should I suggest the book? Ugh I don’t know. K I'm gonna go home and maybe I'll tell them on the way out. ACK!

Yup - I stepped out of my comfort zone - "I heard you guys talking about science vrs religion, and there is a book that weighs scientific fact against religious truths, it may be an interesting read..." bad me for eaves dropping - but they need Jesus too - I just hope I am thinking of the right book LOL

Saturday, October 07, 2006

A Healthy Wife Starts By Living Single Well

Why are you still single?

Why are you asking such a stupid-ass question?
Ok, so today- as I was going about my business trying to read my email I was visually assaulted by this lava life ad "why are you still single" …it got me thinking,
What is actually so bad about being single? Why shouldn’t I be?
Granted, this is coming from a girl who hasn’t been very single lately but frankly - its my mission to be content, to be 'so good' at being single people wonder why...

The word 'single' has such negative connotations - people look at you as if you are diseased. Have you ever noticed when people ask if you're seeing someone and you say 'no' they look at you in a disapproving way or with the 'aww sweety its ok' look. You know, I'd be ok with it, if all ya'll let me be ok with it.
Even worse- have you ever noticed that those who are married have a higher degree of credibility? Honestly, Its as if the title 'husband' or 'wife' far out-weighs any amount of experience one has had - their age, or their education.

IM SINGLE! For once in my life - I can honestly say confidently that I am single because I want to be, and more likely need to be, not due to lack of options. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to remain single for too long (although length is relative), but I am actually looking forward to it in some kind of weird way.

My sister and I were flipping channels the other day and stumbled onto a soap opera - in this particular scene the husband had been searching for his wife, when he finally finds her, he holds her tight and says "I was worried about you" she asks why, and he replies "I am your husband, my job is to worry about you and make sure you are safe."

Who would have thought the Young and Restless could give me a model of the type of man I want - until I can find a man that smitten with me- I am ok staying single.

One final point - I was dating a man recently who was over the top marriage minded and a part of me thought - I have spent my whole life wanting to be married I have never enjoyed or embarrassed being single, I have merely survived in the shadow of desiring a relationship - I am now in a place where I want to live and thrive in the contentment of being independent, all be it temporary.

So to answer your question lava life 'Why are you still single?' I am single because I can be.
I want to 'live single' so well, that when I finally leave this phase of extreme independence, I will know I lived it to the fullest extent - how devastating would it be to get married and wish I would have enjoyed being single while I had the chance, at that point there is no going back.

Friday, October 06, 2006

today marks a new chapter

My life has changed 100% over the course of the last year, thus the focus of my blog is also changing - considering i havent posted in over a year, i am sure this wont be a painful blow to anyone - hmm i say 'anyone' as if there is anyone who actually reads this! I will have to look into ways of promoting myself again.
I have to run, as Biology is calling...LOUDLY!
I'll keep up with my new genre later - heck its friday haha what else is there to do on a friday night?!
In the mean time let me catch you up quickly,

As my life stands now :

Car: Honda Civic
Home: Basement suite
Status: single
Program of study: education
Part time job: English tutor
Current area code: 604/778
Schedule: busy