Its a hard knock life!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Internationally De-throned

While perusing through journal entries of my international excursions I was reminded of some of my less flattering moments. So often we abuse the phrase ‘what happens in (enter location here) stays in (enter location here)’ However, does it ever really? Everything I have ever done in Nevada has followed me home, as have other ghastly events which have happened on my meager meanderings. Thus, I believe I shall open my own bag and ‘spill the beans’ to borrow the phrase. Allow me to share a piece of my soul with you, my people, my audience.

The following is quite explicit and upon further reading you consent to assume no differing stance on our friendship, consider myself of no less stature, and take heed of the following: If I have ever or will ever date you, you must never take this into account prior to, during or after kissing me. After all, what happens in China stays in China?

It was a balmy evening, myself and some fellow English teachers decided to hit up a local establishment of consumption. We had been known to frequent this specific location; however, this particular end of day we decided to partake in slightly more than a mere sampling of cheesecake. After a few drinks and some dancing (may I point out there was no dance floor, however groove is in the heart, hence forth we took it to the café) I began to feel the urge to relieve my pressured loins. As I was slightly inebriated my balance was a speck off. If you are unaware of why this is verging on pessimistic, allow me to explain. Chinese facilities are extraordinarily different from those in North America. Not only are they filthy, they provide no toilet (or what we as Canadians have come to define as an acceptable excuse for such a throne) Rather than sitting, you squat into a hole, which has a spray guard similar to that of a urinal. Thus, the lack of balance was not in my favor for such an event. Thankfully, I was wearing a skirt which made the process a smidgen easier, and I was well acquainted with the Chinese style squat, as by this time I had been living in China for a lengthy period of time.
My less than sober self began the process of hiking up my skirt and squatting, I then realized that I had not, up until that moment started to urinate- although the floor was already soggy? I was not yet put off, that is until I took into account the fact I was sporting flip flops and had just approached the point comprehension - my feet were starting to feel damp.
The anxiety caused my loins to loosen and I myself began to add to the already large puddle. It was also at that moment (mid-stream) I began to topple, the steady tributary hit the splash guard of the squatter, ricocheted with festivity and spewed full force upon my countenance. Sadly the expression on my face consisted of an open mouth. As my nerves were filled with utter shock and dismay, my mouth began to fill with …well lets just say it wasn’t shock OR dismay.

19 Comments:

At 6:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now you've got me thinking. I really enjoy this blog, I'll definitely pop around more often, keep it up!

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At 6:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice blog, come check out my
internet shopping site. Shopping online for tours or other items, you can find them here.

 
At 7:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have a knack for
writing. I read about 20
blogs a day, and skim about
30 more, so I mean it! We
can all use improvement, but
you certainly are better than
most I've read.

I'm going to be starting a blog
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if you don't mind, I might drop
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Ok?

Thanks kindly.

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At 8:30 PM, Blogger Coral said...

Canadian immigration,Internet Shopping and reciprocal links? Do i dare ask if you are three in the same? 3 strangers reading my blog in 12 minutes? I mean im good..but THAT good? thanks for the compliment/critique all the same. Blessings fafsas

 
At 9:14 PM, Blogger LBomb said...

I was wondering who the heck was taking all their time reading your blog. Then I found out. And it totally makes more sense. You better effing link me.

 
At 2:07 PM, Anonymous Tamara said...

AIY!!! So close and yet so far, eh? Oh well, you should find more sure-fire ways of brightening a day then radio contests, they're highly unreliable ;)
Like for example, calling me! I'm very day-brightening:) luv ya

 
At 2:13 PM, Blogger Coral said...

Hmmm...how about turkey dinner? haha jokes! I know doesnt that suck so bad? at least you got a CD out of the deal..WEAK- last year i won $100 gift certificate but, well..long story short i didnt get it. BALLS! hit me up with your phone number you wiener.

 
At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Stephen said...

Wow you are so hot! I love reading your stories and looking at that picture of you when your like 4 years old mmm i love 4 year olds!

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger Coral said...

Apparently you liked her when she turned 21 too haha...tsk tsk!

 
At 8:40 PM, Anonymous Stephen said...

lol thats for damn sure :D

 
At 10:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Miss Coral ANN Scott,

Sometimes I wonder just how you manage to get away with writing such HORID tales of your ass hovering over holes of sorts. Well just know I truly enjoy reading your twisted tales of self mortification, please keep it up. Oh and PS I miss you. We need to talk sometime very soon.

 
At 11:49 PM, Blogger Coral said...

Coral ANN Scott hey...so that would make you David WAYNE sannes? ya pretty sure! Dont post under Anonymous you fafsa.. CLAIM it!

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger Coral said...

oh, by the way mr. stephen YOU were the one who put this picture up haha...i should have known there was something creepy going on.

 
At 2:50 AM, Blogger Tekniko said...

haha good times! :)

 
At 1:31 PM, Anonymous Vitacube said...

I found a company that pays $10 - $50/hr for shopping the classifieds!

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At 3:21 AM, Blogger Tekniko said...

Wow coral update your website... Your secret admirers (cant spell) want to know more about you... Even if you do have a bf and lost there only chance with you... duh!!!

 
At 6:15 AM, Anonymous sara your fav roomie said...

Hey Coral i miss you. man we could write our own site about all our crazy dorm stories. have a good day

 
At 1:15 AM, Blogger Coral said...

haha can you tell i have no life and no time lately? oh my WORD...ya...i'll think of a story and work my magic...ya right...ok well maybe...but its just the 'funny' stuff its to taxing to write about....would it suck if i just started like a boring blog? like...my life is shit blog? haha...hmmm its a thought

 
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