Its a hard knock life!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Turkey...turkey....duty?

Its 9:23 am Friday morning and I am ready for bed.
As yesterday was American Thanksgiving, today was amazing shopping!!!
For those who are unaware- this means the mall opens at 5am and the sales are to die for.
I set my alarm for 3:45 (after going to bed only an hour and fifteen minutes earlier) and was out the door by 4. I was at crystal's door by 4:13 - SO PROUD.
By 4:22am we were across the border and by 5:03 we were at the mall - ewww long lines.

Needless to say the morning was great - we found my mom, who at the time of impact was paying for my christmas gift - im SOOOOOOOO excited. I am getting exactly what i asked for - haha both very domestic gifts. A Vacuum and a microwave. awwww i am soooooo excited for the vacuum - this little swiffer carpet flick thing is CRAP.

By 7am we were eating cinnibons (YUM) and by 8am we were heading home.....but crystal decided a cinnibon was good enough so we stopped for McDonalds breakfast too haha ....gross yet sadistically enjoyable.

We get to the border and much to our dismay they made us go in- GRRR, since when? we each had less then $50 - whatever - jerks.

Needless to say its now 9:29...im tired ...and i look amazing in my new clothes haha - yes i am already wearing them.

I bought the most amazing bag as well.

I believe i will treat myself with .....3 hrs more sleep - no biology for me.

happy thanksgiving america
i hate duty.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Queen of the Night? ....but not.

3hrs History lecture - not cool.
These chairs are hard and the heat, apparently optional - something the school has opted out of this year.

It is Monday afternoon but feels like Thursday night. My body is confused, as are my mornings and evenings. - they've merged into what seems to be a 24 hr blur. Are humans meant to be nocturnal? If so, I think I am; however, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and top of my head may suggest I do not come by it naturally.

My weekend was filled with little more then term papers and an online social life, pitiful…oh and one soggy waffle with strange company…I don’t think people are meant to eat breakfast at breakfast time - its much better mid-afternoon.

Hopefully my week will be more exciting …I look forward to at least a few cookies *wink* if you ask me they are well deserved.

Friday, November 10, 2006

730 days and many men later

I am sitting in biology and not entertained in the slightest!
I have decided I am fed up - i have homework coming out my ears and an incredible lack of finances with which to ease my study stress.
Life as i know it is probably at the best its been in about 3 years, but I still feel totally frustrated with so much.
This week I am dealing with the reasons of WHY I need to be single and it is incredibly difficult. I go through phases of dealing with the 'deeper' issues of why I am so male relation dependent.
I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Vancouver last Saturday , it’s a conference of 5000+ women- held in GM Place. My sister and I sat there and laughed, cried - ate chocolate and laughed harder…too hard!
At one point in the conference the speaker made reference to 'single women' well - I let out a chirp…apparently a LOT louder then I had originally planned, as from the stage she suggested that I had ''learnt to be content in my singleness - or perhaps was just happy to be rid of someone'' from there a slight giggle riffled throughout the entire building - it was at that moment I realized, yes, I'm slowly learning, but I'm not there yet.
I watch my past boyfriends seemingly pass me by - starting new relationships, getting engaged - having babies. A part of me feels jealous, partially sad. I don’t want to be with them, but shouldn’t they still want to be with me? What do you mean, they have gotten over me?! WHAT? How is THAT possible?! Its as if the grip on what I thought I controlled slowly slips away.
But huh?
I don’t want to be with them, yet I expect them to remain enamored with me - how do I justify this?
It is in this apparent 'rejection' that I feel like I scrabble to catch up, but why? Why don’t I feel equally successful while single? Why do I feel like I'm 'falling behind' merely because I am waiting for the right person. Lord knows I've had my fair share of wrong ones. Why do I even consider this rejection? It is as if the 'break up' was the first rejection (even when initiated by me) and it is when they move on that I am hit with the blow of the second rejection.

Why is this a big deal to me right here right now? In the last 2-3 weeks I have bumped into 3 of my exes, and all of them are in relationships - a couple are engaged…I am…still blogging about them…sad …sad…sad.

I am over them - I am over the desire of a relationship with them, but I am not over the desire for a relationship in general; thus I go back to what I know - or memories of what I knew. Memories which are skewed. Have you ever noticed memories don’t seem to retain the negatives and even worse then this, they magnify the positives?

Bottom line - I don’t want to be with anyone I've been with. I need 90% faith, 10% patience, and eventually 1 hot man.